Footballers should never go back... Those who did, and flourished

Friday saw the confirmation of recent rumours that Thierry Henry is due to return to Arsenal after almost five years away, and just three weeks after the club unveiled a statue immortalising him around the stadium. Henry was Arsenal's top goalscorer...

Arsenal's tribute to Michael Jackson wasn't quite so bling

But which way will this go? Plenty of articles have been written about the players who fail on their returns, but what about the successes?

Mark Hughes

'Ailsa' as he is commonly known, started his career at Manchester United (scoring 37 goals in 89 appearances) before becoming part of a British exodus to Europe, lured by money and European football. After stints at Barcelona and Bayern Munich, and returned to Manchester to even greater acclaim and glory, with another 82 goals in 7 seasons.

Home and away

Peter Beardsley

One of the most skilful English forwards of the 80s and 90s, Beardsley led a nomadic life (Carlisle, Vancouver and Man Utd) before his first spell at Newcastle. Scoring 61 goals in 147 games led him to Liverpool as part of the Ian Rush replacement programme, for a then British record £1.9m. He returned to Tyneside in 1993, having also played for Everton, and forged deadly partnerships with Andy/Andrew Cole and Les Ferdinand. His England career was perhaps not so bright, the same could also be said for his career in the adult film industry.

See previous blog post about balls

Ian Rush

Liverpool's record goalscorer, he spent the main part of his career at Anfield, two spells sandwiching a year in Turin at Juventus, where he famously commented that Italy 'was like a foreign country'. His sale led to the arrivals at Anfield of Beardsley, John Barnes and John Aldridge, and in his season away, one of English football's finest teams. But he returned, and continued the scoring vein. One of the early celebrity footballers as a result of his name-check in the famous 1980s milk advert, his later career unfortunately avoided the irony of turning out for Accrington Stanley...

Real men wear pink

So for all the nay-sayers about Henry returning to Arsenal, there is precedent. Perhaps the pace has gone, and he may need to get used to sitting on the bench, but Arsenal fans may just rejoice in some attacking options on the bench that don't spell Arshavin, Chamakh or Park...

The January transfer window

Let the January sales commence! While the rest of us can get our unnecessary purchases online as soon as the last cracker is pulled, European football clubs need to sit there with itching wallets until January.

If Sky Sports is to be believed, the closing of the transfer window is the footballing equivalent of New Year's Eve, as gurning locals wait for a ball to drop, surrounding sports reporters who border on celebrity. The Sky Sports News gurus resemble a judging panel on a reality show, with Bryan Swanson, Dharmesh Sheth and the hyperactive Jim White acting as poster boys.

 I wanna be on you

Of course, Sky aren't the only villain of the piece. The BBC website often runs a live blog of deadline day, collating all the news of the day, with time for contributions for 'Dave, Essex via text'. All well and good, interaction is the future apparently. But if Dave can only provide that his mate Tel gave Ray Parlour a cab ride in 2001 from Highbury to Middlesbrough, is it really worthwhile? The hard-pressed BBC typist needs to apply a filter.

Back to Sky, do they have some sort of deal with Apple? The regular updates from the X Factor Sky gurus always seem to be delivered with some sort of Sky app for the iPad, which no self-respecting transfer gremlin is seen without. And don't get me started on that interactive screen.

Look! Angry Birds!

Of course, the main beneficiaries of this over-zealous hype are the fans. You know, the people who stay up til midnight to watch Jim White arrive by helicopter. But when it comes to those with money at a premium, what do you do? You've spent your pocket money on a shirt with your hero's name on it, and come January, they do one.

Liverpool fans were jubilant at the sale of Fernando Torres, pocketing £50m for him, and spending it on Luiz Suarez (value) and Andy Carroll (Tesco value). But those with Torres shirts? Spare a thought for them. You've spent the best part of £15, don't you wish the club would re-imburse them? Or, typical Scousers, you can just improvise.

David Burrows? Pirate John Barrrrrrrrnes?

Maybe the transfer window should stay open all the time, stop the panic buying and judge a manager by his wheeler-dealing as opposed to pointless things like coaching, tactics or motivation. Or maybe we can just all laugh at Torres...

Own goals and gaffes - the age of YouTube

Back in the 90s, Danny Baker (and many others) made a festive packet by releasing things called video tapes, containing footage of numerous errors made by footballers. Baker himself used to wander around the streets of SE London in a Millwall shirt, bemoaning about the play-offs, referees and pure bad luck. His videos were called Own Goals and Gaffs, and have been followed by all sorts of celeb endorsements, such as Johnny Vaughan, Danny 'pwopah nawty' Dyer and Robbie Savage.

Oh no, my Twitter has crashed

It seems now we don't need to wait for Christmas to see the latest boo-boos from around the globe. This week alone, a poor chap in Hong Kong was the latest video sensation, having scored one of those own goals that seemed to fly in, and would never go in again if he tried. Facebook and Twitter were alive with the clip, and the player (Nigerian Festus Baise of Sun Hei, if you're a Tottenham talent scout) is now a laughing stock the world over.

How did we get by on football before YouTube? To most English football fans, YouTube is a mystical land, where Zlatan Ibrahimovic is good, any new signing can be judged on a 45 second clip set to a Nickelback single, or a new fan can swot up on their chosen club and appear knowledgeable.

8 consecutive league titles, but can he do it in England?

Maybe Christmas shopping is the prime market for these videos, at least until internet TVs become commonplace, the perfect post dinner entertainment - watch foreign keepers save a penalty then let it spin back in with all the family! Remember David Seaman before Dancing on Ice, when he couldn't keep out a shot over 6 feet high!

YouTube and it's varients are here to stay, even making it onto regular TV broadcasts, certainly on a slow day in the Sky Sports News studio. In the days of instant fame, Twitter and camera phones, one mistake, and you're a star. Or this bloke... Sorry Festus.

Uncle Festus in his own horror show

Merry Christmas from Nelson's Column!

Christmas gift ideas for football fans

It's the time of year when you can't move for mince pies, extortionate Starbucks cups and smashed Slade compilations... And also when you get to a week before Christmas and realise you get your avid football supporting colleague in the secret Santa for the office party.

You know which team he supports - his desk is full of tat, fixtures lists, mugs etc. So what else do you get that would enrich his life? Let's see what you can get for your money...

Manchester City:

You know the one. Always claims his Dad was from Manchester. Liked Oasis. Hated United in the 90s. Was a real fan, before the money. But test him with this... If he can appreciate the gift by it's title, he may be genuine after all, for of course not too long ago, Citeh were in League One, and needed a play-off final winner from Paul Dickov to get promoted.

Paul Dickov (actual size)

Chelsea:

On a similar note, Chelsea were founded in 2003, and have fought adversity to claim three league titles and numerous other trinkets. The greatest thing since sliced bread. Speaking of which, you can produce your own slice of bread which is about as effective as another waste of money with a Chelsea badge on it. (Hello Fernando)

The menu at the Chelsea VIP restaurant

Arsenal:

In October 2011, NC reader John Sills wrote an article for El Triumvirate about the conundrum of Theo Walcott, but surely even John can now realise that Walcott is in fact an author in a footballer's body, and his book should prove it. Kean of the Rovers stuff.

Theo and the corner flag

Manchester United:

If I say that this item is a Champions League Lanyard Ticket Holder, and also that it is currently reduced by 15%, that just about brings it under budget. Perfect for those Thursday nights in front of the telly.

Coming soon, Europa League version

Anyway, I'd hope you've done all your Christmas shopping already, but if these recommendations come in handy, feel free to share the reactions on the comments below...

Lunatic or legend? Cult heroes

Super Mario. Italian. Hero complex. Comedy hat. Is that where the similarity ends? To Inter fans, he was the archetypal cult hero - goalscorer, prodigy, absent-minded, enigma. He was filmed on Italian TV wearing an AC Milan shirt, and seemed to make a career out of winding up his managers.

Mario models the latest MCFC headgear

At what point does he become more? His big money move to Manchester City in 2010 has seen him perhaps become a more prolific goalscorer, but he seems to becoming more famous for his other antics. The fireworks in the bathroom. Throwing darts at colleagues. Donating £1000 to a homeless man.

After his recent red card at Anfield, Roberto Mancini said that Mario maybe left out of future big games, but he stepped up to score the opener against Chelsea. Is the tide turning? Or is Balotelli just building up to the next big boo-boo?

Other players throughout the game have trod that fine line, and can fall either side. Even in just England - Gascoigne, Best, Cantona. Capable of the stupid and the sublime.

 Gascoigne - ultimate English cult hero

The game wouldn't be the front page, mass entertainment spectacle is it without these, and a world where Michael Owen, Alan Shearer and a pre-Walkers Gary Lineker were the extroverts would be a strange place indeed.

Hopefully the non-harmful antics of Balotelli, the Twitterings of Frimpong, the cars (if not the personality) of Diouf will carry on entertaining. And if not, you can always rely on Eboue dressed in a tiger suit.

The endangered Eboue, last seen in Turkey

Everyone's favourite second team...

The inspiration for this blog came during the build up to a recent Champions League game, when drinking with the visiting team's fans, my mate was asked "which other English teams do you like?", a question which raised more questions than answers...

Football is often associated with tribal behaviour, a complete bias and perhaps the playground style taunts of my team is better than yours.

But speak to most people and they'll have a team whose results they look for next in the papers, or even the ground they'll pop along to on international weekends (a habit adopted by Non League Day with great success). Walk around a UEFA game and you'll see half-and-half scarves, look back in time and you'll see the bobble hats that are half Liverpool, half Celtic etc.

Jamal couldn't quite make his mind up

But what constitutes a second team? We all have different reasons. For the fans who grew up in the suburbs but supported the nearest big team, it may be the local lower division side. For the budding players, perhaps the team they once had a trial with... But what about the awkward problem when first love and second team collide?

Cup draws are a fraught time for these people, when the possibility crops up, of Barnet playing Arsenal, or West Ham v Southend? Does the heart rule the head?

This man has about eight 'second' teams

In the countries with more obvious duopolies (Scotland, Spain etc), it is actually pretty much accepted to support one of the big two clubs as well as another club. This weekend's El Clasico will test many things in Spain, not least virtually splitting most of the country into two.

A wonderful example of the two clubs coming together is in the video below, where fans of Scottish team Stranraer have adopted FC Twente on a massive basis, and a huge sharing between the fans of the two clubs. Whether the clubs themselves come together is a different matter, and would certainly be lucrative for Stranraer, but it's a great start.

Does anyone know the Potters Bar score?

Planning the summer BBQs - the Euro 2012 draw

Well, after all the pseudo-Eurovision spectacle, parade of legends and a swooping tour of the most photogenic parts of the host cities involved, the draw was made for the group stages of Euro 2012, and with it, the occupants of 16 nations (and millions of neutrals) made their plans for the summer.

The obligatory Group of Death emerged, and thankfully only three quarters of the tiresome Group of Debt were drawn together. The hosts had slightly more generous draws, meanwhile England's draw was about as reasonable as could be hoped.

The Ukrainian Fuzz may well be scared of a repeat of Charleroi 2000, but the UK constabularies will be even more nervous - up and down the land, men will be planning (with military precision) pub schedules and barbecues, and working out the time different between London and Kiev...

If you've got a set of keys on you, stick 'em in your hand and make 'em count!

On Monday 11th June 2012 at 5pm, expect similar photos as seen during recent World Cups, as England play France - roads almost empty, desks unattended. In Olympic year, with the mad panic ahead, and the official guidelines for people to work from home and to drink from home, will another half day hurt?

Tesco value or Aldi son?

The flip side to this of course is that June effectively sees three extra St Patricks' Days to contend with, as Ireland also qualified into a difficult group of Spain, Italy and Croatia. March 17th is usually allowed without much grief as it's once a year - but will the plastic Paddys of the land let more summery conditions go without a good booze up? I suggest not. Good time to invest in Guinness novelty hats.

But what about the rest of the draw? Group A actually looks quite competitive, while Group B looks pure awesome. Imagine 2016, when an extra eight teams join the party, so much that almost half of Europe's teams will be joining in, no doubt to the detriment of the overall competition. Part of the theory that this is a superior competition to the World Cup is the lack of any perceived 'filler'.

You've been tangoed

What also came with the draw was the unveiling of the match ball - a previous blog covers balls - which Adidas hope will be bulging the net of school playgrounds soon. But will the 2016 version be big enough to contain all the participants?

The managerial merry-go-round

This week saw the first manager sacking in the Premier League, with Steve Bruce leaving Sunderland, for once being shown the door rather than walking himself. Of course late November is slow by usual standards, but what isn't surprising is the names being bandied around as his potential replacement.

Every vacancy that seems to occur these days has it's usual suspects, almost like the ambulance chasers that call themselves no-win no-fee solicitors. Martin O'Neill. Mark Hughes. Steve McLaren's name has been mentioned. But why the reluctance to recruit someone else? Someone who doesn't have an infamous agent, or perhaps a more media-savvy profile.

The louder you scream, the faster the ride

Like signing players, the tempting offer is to recruit from abroad, established players with a track record and perhaps a degree of sparkle. But managers are different - why are they moving in the first place? Supposed rising stars like Andre Villas Boas are bought for millions of pounds, and with things as they are, may well not be long before he's already overachieved.

Most top English vacancies seem to be met with links to Guus Hiddink, who while he did wonders with PSV Eindhoven, Holland and South Korea, seems more and more motivated by cash, and his last job with Turkey did little to light the touchpaper.

Shiny happy people

Herbert Chapman was just 29 when he started his managerial career (with Northampton), and turned out to be one of the great innovators of the game, with many ideas still in common use (white balls, floodlights, shirt numbers). Would he have got a chance in the game today? Even then, he was due to become a mining engineer before chance offered him the role.

Football has evolved enormously over the years, but in it's basic form, it could easily be described as two chess masters (the managers), manipulating 11 chess pieces across the board. Even the young up and coming masters need a break. Maybe Sunderland could make a master stroke and appoint a complete unknown who will give the fans and the club a decent shot, without needing to resort to countless Bosmans, ex-Man Utd players and cloggers.

Or they could just appoint Mark Hughes, and see Roque Santa Cruz instead.

The Rubbish Managers XI

Diving and babies - Goal celebrations

One of the oft-repeated quotes from footballers is that scoring goals is better than sex... But how do they celebrate? We know from the age of webcams and kiss-and-tells that perhaps goals are more important, we don't often see too many Dirty Den style poses or dances.

Some goal celebrations are good. Some are bad. The biased fan at the ground doesn't always appreciate them. Some players even get a sense of self-importance about a former club that they just stand there looking solemn.

Klinsmann Air, first stop Sheffield

In 1994, Tottenham pulled off a massive coup by signing Germany striker Jurgen Klinsmann, and with it his massive reputation (in England anyway) for being a diver... Of course these days we'd have saw this coming, but back then, irony in sport had yet to be invented and of course Jurgen certainly wanted to make a splash. After his first goal, he ran to the touchline and flung himself to the ground, and into all the papers. And then he quickly flounced off to Bayern Munich, having had the audacity to fall our with Alan Sugar.

The hands that rock the cradle

1994 was hardly a vintage year for football, and definitely not for goal celebrations. The above effort was from the World Cup of that year, after Bebeto scoring against Holland in the quarter-finals. While a father will always be proud, and no doubt lighting cigars is a yellow card offence, was it necessary to spawn this? According to Wikipedia, this made Bebeto a household name... While no Romario, the fact that he had scored 31 goals prior to this is surely more memorable...

Hands up who wants to sit on the MOTD couch?

Boring. Saw it far too often... I'm sure Newcastle fans enjoyed it.

Catch of the Day

Icelandic club Stjarnan seem to be the latest fad, with Youtube-friendly celebrations such as reeling in fish etc. Funny at first. Like British sitcoms or a good debut album - I look forward to new material, but perhaps best to stop where they are.

Like earlier blogs, it comes across like the writer pines for ye olde days, where men would shake hands after a goal and get back to kicking each other. Goal celebrations are part of the game now. Let's hope we get some new, original efforts.

The Amazing Wang? Shirt sponsors

Some people see football shirts as fashion accessories (they look good with jeans?!), others as just threads to wear on a Saturday afternoon... But to Faceless Evil Corporation(TM) the shirts are a blank canvas, an advertising hoarding with thousands of captive readers.

Several large companies see it as a major marketing strategy - but is it always right?

A 'tache is for life, not just Movember

In 1986, Oxford United won the English League Cup (then the Milk Cup), and introduced their sponsor WANG to the world... Back then perhaps, Wang was known as a computer hardware company. A galaxy away from the current general use for Wang - penis. Another reason as to why a man can't go dress shopping with a woman, anywhere near Vera Wang...

Real Madrid were sponsored by the Green Goblin...

In 2004, Atletico Madrid were sponsored by Columbia Pictures, leading to hilarious results... Throughout that season, the club's shirts were emblazoned with new films such as Hitch, Spanglish and xXx, but they took it to strange new levels with the above away shirt - not content with a small Spider-Man 2 badge on the front - they had to go all out and totally cover the thing with a spider web.

Andy Carroll signs for Clydebank

In the 1990's, Scottish warblers Wet Wet Wet were busy punishing the ears of music-listeners up and down the land with their cover of Love Is All Around, from some film that was out at the time. Normally, nothing to do with football - Bryan Adams did something similar a few years prior, and his main crime was claiming to support Chelsea, even before they were officially founded in 2003.

But Wet Wet Wet couldn't let it lie. They hailed from Clydebank, and decided that as part of a plan so fiendish Dr Evil wouldn't do it, they'd emblazon their logo over the club's shirts. It is highly likely that this is the main reason that the club folded in 2002...

Lastly, a shirt that technically doesn't fit in this blog - the main logo across the front isn't a company, but the club's name. One of the biggest ever sellers on Subside Sports , Deportivo Wanka. It just needed to be said.

Who's the Wanka in the green and white?

NOTE: I had actually planned a mention of Leeds United's shirts in the early 1990s with Top Man on them, but the photo I had was of Gary Speed, so not good timing. RIP.

Crest vs copyrights - more than a symbol?

Tis the season to be bringing out next summer's Euro 2012 kits. We know the drill. They look exactly the same, and come August, you can get them for a fiver from Sports Direct (or St James' Park by then).

But the Polish effort this time round has caused controversy by removing the traditional white eagle emblem with a generic effort, purely for the fact that this new logo can be copyrighted easily, thus making it easier to punish counterfeiters. This change has caused such uproar that even the recent friendly with Hungary was part-boycotted by fans. Perhaps it has worked, as the Polish FA have decided to 'review' the change... Which will certainly give Nike a headache, as the shirt was meant to have been released on November 15th...

Is that an eagle in the design?

We've seen this before, for exactly this reason, in England. In 2002, Arsenal changed their crest to the current badge for the sole reason that they believed they were losing valuable (unspent) revenue by having counterfeiters and unlicensed traders use the former logo. Ironically the thing that seemed to rile most fans was that the cannon was changed to face the opposite direction, geographically away from Tottenham...

Most clubs have changed their badge over the years, and in the end, the fans just get on with it - imagine if Chelsea still had their original crest that resembles Captain Birds Eye? Or something like a rugby ball, which seemed to signify their playing style at the time...

1905-1952                                           1952-1953

Of course the badge is now seen tattooed on the great unwashed/loyal fan* (*delete as applicable), or a swimming pool shape for affluent types - David Dein's swimming pool features a rather large cannon - this is true, I've seen it. It's also a symbol we associate with the players who wear it.

Goal celebrations (a whole other blog I've yet to come up with) can give a deep insight into that player's psyche. But how often do we see said player kissing the badge in order to try and prove that they really love the club? Or that they really don't need the pay rise their agent is scrabbling around for? They must taste good anyway.

That'll show those pesky lip-readers

Perhaps the Polish boycott will have an influence. Will Nike decide to reproduce tens of thousands of shirts? Or shall we just look forward to the next redesign of the England badge? Lions are endangered after all...

Seeds, pots and vegetables - UEFA draws

This week saw the full line up confirmed for Euro 2012, along with the relevant seedings for the groups. The draw will take place in Kiev on December 2nd, so fans can begin planning their trips and summer BBQs. But should the draw be as hotly anticipated as it already is?

As soon as the final play-off result was known, UEFA boffins had worked out their various formulae and decided which participant will be in which pot. The magic maths they use is now used by the average fan in the street, so much so that a Romanian website programmer proved so influential that altering decimal points allowed the Faroe Islands to be seeded above Wales in the 2014 World Cup qualifying round.

Fabio Capello ate my hamster?

Of course football these days is run at the behest of television and sponsors, who want the best teams playing in the latter stages. But would things be that different if the competition draws were open and unseeded? The European Cup in it's original format of course provided an open draw, and more often than not, the best team still won. And for the fans, isn't it great that occasionally a Denmark, Greece or Nottingham Forest can win against the odds?

The statistics used by UEFA (and FIFA) have such influence, that the results of single matches can decide whether a nation gets an extra place in future tournaments. A dead rubber on matchday 6 can still be important for a team's future seedings. Nice that games have extra meaning, but it still rules in favour of the big clubs.

Er, I lost count, can we start again?

The plus points of seeded draws - the speculation, the fantasy ideal draws... Looking at the Euro 2012 draw, the perk of joint hosts will be the fact that two of the top seeds are Poland and Ukraine, no merit involved at all, just a bonus for winning the auction rights to host the Championships. The rest can dream, and Twitter wags can make jokes that a draw of Spain, Italy, Greece and Ireland will be the group of debt.

The supposed magic of the FA Cup (and most domestic competitions) is the fact that the 3rd round could equally pitch Manchester United against Barnet or Arsenal. Alas we don't have the glorious Graham Kelly, but football legends Noel Gallagher and Serge 'flash git from Soccer AM' Pizzorno pulling the balls out of the bag, but even then the cries of fix rang around as their respective teams (Manchester City and Leicester) were drawn together...

The new Brit award trophy raised large eyebrows

Maybe if Coca-Cola, McDonalds or Sony ask hard enough, we may be seeing a Champions League group of Barcelona, Real Madrid, Chelsea and Bayern Munich... At least 28 other clubs will be happy!

She wore a yellow ribbon - Wembley

Tonight sees another international friendly at England's national football stadium at Wembley, with the hosts facing Sweden. Both teams have qualified for Euro 2012, and will be using the match to blood new players, and try new ideas prior to the competition. But if reports are to be believed, it is unlikely the attendance will be north of 50,000. Is this a symptom of financial hardship in general, perhaps the public voting with their feet? Or is the magic of going to a game at Wembley gone?

Since Wembley re-opened in 2007, it has played host to all manners of events - the Race of Champions, a version of Super Mario Kart for racing drivers; a now annual NFL game which is rumoured to be leading towards a London-based franchise; and even more concerts than before. Of course these events aren't anything new, but they're as vital as ever, as the stadium cost over £750m to build.

Knievel was often accused of 'parking the bus'

While playing at Wembley must still be the pinnacle of any professional's career, a quick scan through Twitter during the Sweden game will no doubt give rise to calls for more games to be played away from London. While Wembley was being built, England played all over the country, in Derby, Sunderland and Middlesbrough to name a few. Do the FA really need the money for Wembley so badly they need to play FA Cup semi-finals at the stadium as well?

The poor attendances for friendly games are nothing new - in 1995, England hosted Columbia in front of a crowd of 20,038, although the game was more famous of course for Rene Higuita's 'scorpion kick'. Perhaps the Euro 96 effect did more for English football than first thought.

Scotland fans start demolition of the old Wembley

Wembley (or the Empire stadium for the pedants) was always going to be the national stadium. It's history, the name, the iconic towers/arch are famous the world over. But maybe the money men should stop and think - would the players who get one cap prefer their sole international appearance to be on the hallowed turf of their normal club ground? Would a Brazilian star dream of playing in the North-East?

Or they could share the same turf as some of the world's cultural behemoths - Mandela, Mercury, Jagger, or some wrestlers instead...

Summerslam '92 - quality acting at Wembley

PS For the record, I think every England home international should be at Wembley, but perhaps moving some club games (semi-finals, play-off games, Community Shield) would retain the mystery, give some other fans a chance, and save us from paying the extortionate prices for a pie...

If the shoe fits - football boots

One of the best bits of football is the basic fact that it's eleven men v eleven, wearing the same kits, kicking a pig's bladder around (or something more synthetic, see previous blog...). The kits allow very little room for fashion, trends or cults. Sure, you can extend a sock over the knee, or lift the collar, but the team are bound by the whims of the relevant sportswear manufacturer.

But boots... The feet allow for an expression that an alice band or tattoo won't, something that budding Beckhams can imitate. Like most other equipment, technology has had a massive influence, but it's basically a shoe with bits of plastic sticking out the bottom.

In a recent Independent article concerning England v Spain, Gary Lineker reveals that he had recently signed a deal to wear Quasar boots (remember them?), and was due to wear them for the first time against Spain in 1987 - he scored four goals in that game, but bemoaned the weight of them as well as the fact the soles were hanging off at full time...

Guaranteed to score four v Spain - more likely own goals

Boots started off being worker-style efforts, leather lace up boots, toecaps and studs. Now they are more like slippers, moulded to the foot of the wearer, weighing just a few grammes, promoting the manufacturer and some other message. After all the furore of will-FIFA-won't-FIFA allow poppies, Theo Walcott's boots emblazoned them anyway.

Former Liverpool player Craig Johnston was instrumental in creating the Adidas Predator boots, a boot featuring all manners of rubber addition, to assist the ball move in wicked directions, with increased power and more control. Initially, they were the most controversial boot ever, and now? Par for the course, of course...

Miss Whiplash had a cracking left foot

Now boots are so colourful and advanced that it's almost abnormal to have simple black boots. 5-a-side pitches across the land are graced with wannabes and never-bes, all wearing pink, green and blue boots, but perhaps without the skills of the original owners.

Again this blog is in danger of harking back to the glory days of the 1980s, where centre forwards and centre backs wore the same boots, necessary in those days to lump the heavy balls into the net, but also for protection - the number of metatarsal injuries are almost certain to be linked to the featherlight boots of today.

There does seem to be one throwback footballer doing rather well, of sweeping side parting and blackened boots, anchoring the England midfield, not afraid to tackle or do the basics well. It's just a shame Scott Parker didn't participate in Movember as well...

Jimmy! We're off to Wimpy!

Euro 2012 play-offs - new faces

The European Championships are often credited with being a stronger tournament that the World Cup. Without some of the filler from the other confederations, it's a chance for the 16 strongest teams in Europe to battle it out - the next tournament in 2016 will feature 24 teams.

But this week sees the first leg of the play-off round, with five of the eight participants not even existing (in their current guises) in the 1980s. Does this signal a shift in power to the former Eastern European nations? Or merely a sign that the bigger nations are struggling?

Croatia and Czech Republic both did well in their formative years, the Czechs reaching the final of Euro 96, with the Croats getting to the semi-finals of World Cup 98. But it's the other teams which have slowly made their way towards the top table.

Scotland celebrate a 0-0 draw against nobody

Estonia (independent since 1991) face the Republic of Ireland on Friday, seeking to qualify for their first tournament. They first appeared on the radar in Britain after their farcical tie with Scotland in 1996, where they failed to turn up, yet we given a replay and drew 0-0, with Scotland effectively scoring a 0-0 result against a team that didn't turn up. After coming second to Italy, they are 180 minutes from the finals, their path certainly taking a different trajectory from the Scots in recent years.

Also on Friday, Montenegro face the Czech Republic in an even swifter rise to prominence. Only declaring independence in 2006, they came second in the group including England, drawing both games against the English. They feature Serie A stars Mirko Vučinić (Juventus) and Stefan Jovetic (Fiorentina), but they are much greater than the sum of their parts and would give most of the big nations a good game.  Montenegro is also famous for being the setting of Casino Royale, so one imagines the UEFA bandwagon won't be far away...

David Luiz went to Florence and all he got was amnesia

The other newer nation in the play-offs are Bosnia and Herzegovina (1992), who were just minutes away from automatic qualification in their game in France. They also reached the play-offs for the 2010 World Cup, where they lost to Portugal. The most famous player being Edin Džeko of Man City, they again face Portugal for Euro 2012. After losing out by one point to the French, what price on them qualifying and playing them again in the tournament?

With some of the surprise winners of the tournament in the past (Greece, Denmark), what price on a winner from one of the new European nations? And of course, the possibility of recreating one of the greatest goals of all time... 

Not bad, I'm sure you'll agree...

Escape to solid 0-0 draw - Football on the silver screen

Football would make an ideal subject for a film. Unpredictable, filled with great characters, and the wardrobe has been sorted by someone else... But so far, good films about footy have been few and far between - and even then, the Oscar isn't coming any time soon.

But some of the better films have come from either different sources (books), different styles (documentary) or remake. There is a massive gap there for the fictional film, which to be fair, is missing from most team sports.

But what of the films that have already been made?

That was a save for the cameras...

Escape to Victory came to our Bank Holiday screens in the early 80s. It featured Sylvester Stallone and Michael Caine, and also some of the world's best footballers (Pele, Bobby Moore, John Wark?!), what's not to like? It's amazing they've not remade it already with Daniel Craig and David Beckham. There was a plot about escaping from the Nazis, but of course the selling point is Stallone in goal for the POWs, and a chance to see Pele on a big screen performing, unlike the medicine he has now resorted to selling...

Moody Frenchman shock

Zidane: A 21st Century Portrait came from a different angle. Essentially just a promotion for Sky's Player-cam, it follows Zidane through a Real Madrid match at the Bernabeu against Villarreal in 2005. It was amazingly well received, but would it have worked any differently with another player? Would people fawn over Eboue: The Musical? Or perhaps 90 minutes of watching John Terry try to keep his footing... Great date movie though.

Pre-Oscar Firth pays his dues

Fever Pitch the book was amazing, even championed by non-Arsenal fans. It told the story of a boy becoming a man, using the backdrop of football and culture. The film came out in the late 1990s, starring Colin Firth, and became a tale of a man growing up, all around his love for his club, and some back-story into how he became who he is. It was also turned into a horror film about baseball but best to ignore that. Firth has since gone onto bigger things, and not just Bridget Jones.

Maybe the world is just crying out for a Rocky-style against the odds epic involving football. Plenty have tried, dishonourable mention to When Saturday Comes with Sean Bean. The football films these days have floated around the topic, aiming at hooligan groups and people playing in prison.

Kicking and Screening was a film festival around London featuring some of the better films based on the sport... But maybe if it becomes a permanent feature, we wouldn't need a festival to see a decent film, we could queue up with everyone at the local Cineworld.