YouTube sensations - style over substance

One of the growing trends around transfer windows and speculation is the YouTube link. Read through an average rumours page, and within seconds you could be looking at their finest moments online, a moving picture of the sorts of skills they can do. People take an awful lot of time putting them together, and there are several clips of Zlatan Ibrahimovic doing flicks and kicks to the tune of Winds Of Change by Scorpion... The Guardian even has a weekly feature on the best of YouTube videos, more than just football.

Even when a defender is signed, Twitter soon fills with clips of fine finishes and last gasp tackles, but there is usually no context - was the last gasp tackle required because of poor positioning? Or perhaps the seal-esque dribbling culminated in losing the ball and a goal as a result.

 The seal gets clubbed

Take Kerlon for example - named best player at the 2005 South American u-17 tournament, he became a worldwide hit for his seal dribble, and as the video above shows, his opponents took somewhat agricultural methods to stop him. In all honesty, in most games he would play this would happen, with the inevitable defence of saying that his seal dribble was disrespectful. Kerlon came to Europe, to Inter via Chievo, and played four games in three years (admittedly due to injury), and was last seen trying to get a game in the lower reaches of the Brazilian leagues.

The online video does have it's place - it has made the world smaller, and that includes the world of football. We're now familiar with the Icelandic team with the weird goal celebrations, or the Moroccan goalkeeper who saved a penalty, went to gloat, then the ball spins slowly over the line... (Ok, I know you want to see it...)

The FA were busy claiming he had English parentage after this

Another victim of the online video is the traditional end of season review. A staple purchase for the days when highlights weren't so readily available, when perhaps only eight-ten games a season were shown live. Pore over the games where titles were won and lost, or relegation just survived. Even on the 1988-89 Arsenal video, a Sheffield Wednesday goal was missed due to lack of coverage. Imagine the outcry now! Not like ITV cut to an advert break...

All the goals, all the fouls, all the comical mishaps are on tap, on your laptops and smartphones. The old VHS tapes in the lofts are disintegrating and we no longer have the means to watch them. It's a tide that can't turn backwards, and even the releases of DVDs of specific games (SPURS) seem almost novelty, and for Newcastle fans to buy a copy of their 4-4 draw with Arsenal would be silly, surely they'll just fast forward to the second half?

Hughes refused to shake hands with the makers of the video for showing his bad thigh

All those puppy videos and weird make up tips won't disguise the fact YouTube is here to stay. Maybe I'll just start recording these blogs on webcams and you can all miss out on the sarky picture captions...

Fourth kits, European shirts and unworn garments

From the Football Italia website, Milan vice-president Adriano Galliani has blamed Milan's 3-0 defeat at Arsenal on their wearing of an all-black kit. This isn't the first time a defeat has been blamed on a kit (most famously Man United changed their grey kit at Southampton after the first half which saw them concede three goals). Galliani decreed that Milan wouldn't wear black again, and next year would don yellow.

Of course Milan's change kit is white which would also have clashed with the Gunners, fair enough. But Milan really should know better - in the past they've been known to have a fourth choice kit. Famous the world over, but should they also be famous for treating their fans like mugs? In the Super Cup win of 1995, also against Arsenal, they unveiled a yellow shirt that they only wore once, at home, and it was never seen again. But to have fourth shirts of red, one of their primary colours? Weird.

Milan didn't like being called yellow-bellied, their trophy said it all

On these shores, Manchester United were once associated with constant kit changes, although these days they're certainly not alone, as all twenty Premier League clubs changed their home shirts at the start of 2011/12. Sure, they've had away and third shirts, lord knows how many goalkeeper shirts, even a reversible number for their centenery. But two home shirts in the same season?

I've touched upon United's treble winning season in various blogs, a great achievement indeed. But the fact that they had a whole different kit for their European games, talk about fleecing. That season they also had two change kits, in white and blue. No wonder they're one of the richest clubs in the world.

Image courtesy of Historical Football Kits

In the Guardian's excellent Knowledge column, they answer the questions that perhaps this blog may raise from time to time. In this week's edition, they discuss kits that have never even been worn, and they reference two third kits of QPR in the early nineties, as well as touching on the third kit that England unveiled prior to Italia '90.

Unfortunately the figures of kit sales are at best unreliable, with so many different outlets stocking shirts these days. With the recent Euro 2012 kits going on sale for a whopping £60 each, shouldn't the clubs show the fans even a little courtesy?

Milan unveil next season's away, third and fourth kits

With old shirts going for big money these days, it may well be the biggest proof that today's rubbish is tomorrow's antique.

Planes, trains and automobiles - away trips

"Good morning, your EasyJet flight from London Luton to the arse end of nowhere is scheduled to leave in ten minutes from gate 25, we extend a welcome to all the fans of XXXXXX Football Club who are embarking on their twenty-three game Europa League campaign".

The fruits of labour for a football fan. While the planes part may be slightly more exclusive to the fans of clubs who compete in Europe, everyone can enjoy the open road or the engineering-work affected rail. On a Saturday morning, hordes of cars full of blokes overtake fleets of coaches on the motorway, scarves and novelty toys obvious. The lottery of all is the train, but inherent charm remains. Today we look at the three main modes of transport, the pros and cons.

Planes

Another captain dilemma for the England management

Ardent fans sit by the telly or radio, laptop on the go, ready for the draw for the away leg in Europe - is it a lad's trip to a questionable Eastern European city, or a glamour tie in Milan, Barcelona or Madrid? Of course, both have their advantages, the thought of drinking local brew for 5p a pint in an alleyway in Albania while avoiding the local gangs has a rush. Or the idea of finally getting to go to the Bernabeu? Sure it's somewhere different, while the leader of the group insists on eating 'something nice' at the expense of egg and chips.

Waking up at 3am, dragging your weary self around to a provincial airport, forcing that first freezing pint of Fosters down your gullet, and trying to retain a taste of Blighty by carrying hand luggage consisting of Monster Munch, Jaffa Cakes and the Sun. It's a package holiday condensed into 24 hours, knowing that as soon as you're released from the stadium, it's straight back to do it all over again, in an airport with one toilet, no duty free, and one food outlet, being barged out of the way by the comedy fat fan begging for water.

The Mad Men style ad campaigns of the 1960s made air travel look glamorous. But not even Don Draper could sell a Ryanair flight with 150 Stoke fans to the Ukraine.

Trains

Gooners board the new trains at Grimsby after a 1-0 win

One of the great engineering feats. Nope, not the new iPad, but the train. Herding cattle/fans up and down the country, often via the cultural hot spots of Doncaster or Crewe. Except on a weekend. Or a bank holiday. There is an art form to booking train tickets, much like with plane seats. If you see when the TV fixtures move, and beat Virgin to it, you may be able to get a Monday night train from Euston to Manchester for £15. But if you're an hour later? You're looking at the best part of a ton.

In the 1980s, when football violence (in England anyway) was at a peak, the powers that be decided that rather than inflict fighting and pastel tracksuits on the public, that fans would be taken on football-only trains known as Football Specials. They fell by the wayside as part of privatisation, and also the fact that they were pretty much moving fight clubs. One bright spark even thought of putting disco carriages in them, and the prospect of sweaty middle aged men boogieing away at 9am while drinking Hofmeister probably sounded the death knoll for the idea.

Environmentally friendly? Sure. Cheap? Sometimes. Convenient? Hardly. It's another stinging endorsement of TV scheduling when games often finish after the last train leaves back to the away club's hometown. Maybe if they included the price of a Travelodge room, people may not be quite so annoyed.

Automobiles

Arsenal finally relented and let the coach go 'home' to Catalunya

Every weekend up and down the country, thousands of vehicles ferry fans to and fro, from Plymouth to Middlesbrough, and back. Some kind soul may well use their company car to do the honourable thing, as long as you can put up with the radio choices. All you need to decide is how much to chip in for petrol, and whether you go to KFC or Burger King at the services.

Coaches are a wholly different beast. You feel the thrill of arriving at your home ground at stupid o'clock in the morning. Getting onto a coach that would be cramped for nursery children, surrounded by people of dubious hygiene and cheese sandwiches. Being forced to watch a rugby video because the driver 'lost' the Basic Instinct tape. Sticking rigidly to formation, like a Red Arrows squadron - coach one leads, so if you're on coach 34, you're knackered if you needed that Wimpy at Watford Gap.

Perhaps I'm doing coaches a dis-service, they're often fairly cheap and it's less hassle, but when you're heading back to London from Old Trafford, and seeing car after car of gurning Cockney Red moon you from a Ford Mondeo, you'll be wishing you took the train.

Famous old trophies - but should they stay in the past?

Football has been littered with some weird and wonderful competitions. Some became regular fixtures in the schedule (the European Cup was derided in England when first launched), while others have faded into nothing, remembered by no more than the winners and those who made/lost money on the sponsorship. Some are surely due a rebirth, in the glitz and glamour of the 21st century?

The (Screen Sport) Super Cup

 Tankards instead of medals? What is this, Bullseye?!

While English clubs were banished from Europe in the mid 1980s, the Football League needed something new to keep the top clubs entertained (and generate some more revenue) - what else but have a straight knock-out tournament? In 1985, the Screen Sport Super Cup was formed, a six team competition to include the clubs who would have qualified for Europe that season - Everton (champions), Man United (FA Cup winners), Norwich (League Cup winners), and Liverpool, Spurs and Southampton, who would have reached the UEFA Cup by league place.

The idea was nice, two groups of three, playing home and away on weeknights, with the top two of each getting to the (two-legged) semi finals and a (two-legged) final. But in reality, it just got too much. So much so that due to fixture congestion, the final was played over a year after the first game. Liverpool had to play the second leg of their semi-final with Norwich two days before the FA Cup final, and three months after the first leg.

Liverpool ended up winning it, but it went to the big tournament in the sky. There is even a rumour knocking around that Ian Rush gave the trophy to a Goodison ballboy, such was his disdain for it. Would it fit into the modern game? While Sky would soil themselves at so many big games, there just isn't room. The danger is that it would evolve into a rugby style play-off to decide the ultimate English champions - imagine the furore then!

European Cup Winners Cup

The interpreter fully deserved his medal

Quite simply, a European tournament for the winners of each member nation's domestic cup winners. While the European Cup remained purely for champions, this remained a very good tournament with plenty of strong teams, and of course provided the European Champions with a game in the Super Cup (definitely not to be confused with the above...).

The undoing of this cup was that the Champions League was born, and expanded so much. While it was a very nice cherry for the cup winners, with as many of four teams dining at the main table, the cup winners would often end up elsewhere anyway. Remembered fondly by fans of English clubs, who had a good record. Again however, perhaps the overbearing nature of the Champions League puts this one to bed.

The argument will remain that there should be an extra incentive to win the FA Cup, much like the past talk of giving the winners a Champions League place - but shouldn't the glory of winning a cup be enough?

Anglo-Italian Cup

Al Fayed sees another conspiracy that Notts County won

A 1970s relic that was revived after the death of the Full Members' Cup (aka Simod and Zenith Data Systems Cups) in the 1990s, this was a fun and slightly random idea involving second tier sides from England and Italy, culminating in a Wembley final. Having had a couple of short lives prior to this, it was never going to take off again, but a showpiece final was always nice.

Of the three competitions mentioned in this blog, this would certainly be the most likely to make a re-appearance - there are some big clubs in the Championship, and most would relish the chance to have even a short stint playing Serie B's best, it would be a nice supplement to the parachute payments. But why limit it to Italy? Germany would also be an excellent option, with their second division hosting big clubs like 1860 Munich, Eintracht Frankfurt and Fortuna Dusseldorf.

While some Championship clubs place promotion to the Premier League higher than a cup, the fans would surely love an autumn away trip to Germany, and a chance at Wembley or a big German stadium in the meantime. Perhaps if it was a simple knockout involving no more than four or five games, it may be a winner.

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Some say there is too much football at the moment, some say not enough. Even an excuse to get some football on terrestrial telly would be nice, surely Channel 4 could shave some money from their Gok Wan/Gordon Ramsey budget to shell out for a new idea?

Leaving before the fat lady sings

The Dutch fans at Wembley on Wednesday night were singing Monty Python's "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life" in perfect English. With about fifteen minutes to go in the game, Holland winning 2-0, the exodus began, as though a fire drill had been sounded in the lower tier. The game sprang to life further, with three goals in the final few minutes, and hopefully the cheer of the equaliser would have just reached the throngs queuing for the Jubilee Line (they'd hear about Robben's winner over their corn flakes).

The people at the ground had paid an awful lot of money for tickets, most of them hiding in the kiosks at half time, probably spending a total of sixty minutes watching the ninety. With football being the flash cultural thing to do, is it being replicated at theatres before the villain is unmasked?

I'm looking at three games that would have punished the early leaver, who would have missed the twist in the tale, and really don't deserve to say "I was there". (I recognise these games were fairly important so not many would have left early, but it's more to celebrate late winners...)

Liverpool 0 Arsenal 2, May 1989

Up for grabs now

The Liverpool teams of the 1980s were some of the finest sides the country has seen, sweeping almost all before them. The 1988-89 season was arguably the one that ended the dynasty however, with the tragedy at Hillsborough casting a huge shadow over the club, causing this game to be delayed to the end of May after the FA Cup final, unheard of in those days..

Arsenal had been leading the table for most of the season, but had a late wobble and came into the game needing to win by two goals. Despite Alan Smith scoring early in the second half, Liverpool kept them at bay and just as the clock was about to hit ninety, Steve McMahon pointed one finger to signal how long was left. Perhaps it was a signal to the fans to beat the crowd, knowing that they could carry on with their Friday nights. They'd seen enough titles presented, they could skip another.

Of course Arsenal went up the other end, Michael Thomas scoring the famous winner, and the Gunners won the league on goals scored. Liverpool won the title the following season, but they never fully recovered. Probably best for those Liverpool fans who did leave early.

Manchester United 2 Bayern Munich 1 - May 1999

 Argh why did I try to get the last train?

The first European Cup final to feature an English team in fourteen years, and one of the most dramatic. United had already clinched another league and cup double, their third in six seasons, but this was the big one. Played at the Nou Camp, Bayern took an early lead only to lose it via the two late goals from Sheringam and Solskjaer. The defining moment of that game was Samuel Kuffour in tears and beating the turf, annoyed that Munich would have to wait a whole two years to win the trophy again.

Games played at neutral venues are often a bit of a tough one - a fan of the team behind on ninety minutes may well think they need to leave before the trophy is handed over, and a chance to get onto the Barcelona metro before thousands of happy Germans would have been tempting. But it's Man United. We all know they love a late winner. While there's no indication that any of the famous "Fergie Time" came into play, they've got form for it, see their win over Sheffield Wednesday in 1993.

At least they didn't make too much fuss about winning the treble.

Carlisle 2 Plymouth Argyle 1 - May 1999

In emergency, break Glass

Jimmy Glass was one of those journeyman players who played for several clubs around the lower divisions, and was probably pretty content with his life. In 1999, while at Swindon, he ended up being loaned to Carlisle as an emergency goalkeeper. Carlisle were on the verge of relegation out of the Football League, and needed to win on the final day at home to Plymouth. In one of those moments that would be unbelieveable in a movie, deep into injury time, and the scores at 1-1... Well, I don't really need to say much else.

Despite the goal that relegated Scarborough instead, he retired from the game a couple of years later. It didn't stop him writing a book (obviously), becoming a taxi driver (according to Wikipedia), and achieving a lifelong ambition to feature in a light hearted blog about football moments.

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There are several reasons to leave football matches early. Being dicked 4-0 at home in the first half (unless you're playing Arsenal), wife going into labour, being arrested. But if you pay the best part of a grand for a season ticket, then leave ten minutes early to 'beat the crowd', you really can't complain if you missed anything.

Like most other things, there is a chant for those who leave early. "Is there a fire drill" isn't a question from those hard of hearing. They're taking the piss out of YOU.