Misery loves company - no joy in victory?

For the second year in a row, my team got knocked out of Europe after seemingly forgetting that two-legged ties involve playing a first leg. A 4-0 defeat in Milan last year rendered a 3-0 home win meaningless. A 3-1 home defeat to the German champions-elect required a miracle win in Munich, and the boys came pretty close.

So Arsenal won 2-0 in the Allianz Arena. Nothing to be sniffed at indeed. A performance reminiscent of the 1994 Cup Winners Cup run. It's fairly likely that Bayern were complacent after outperforming the Gunners at home, and it's likely to have been a different game in other circumstances.

But let's repeat that again. Arsenal beat Bayern Munich 2-0. In Munich. In the Champions League. Why were we treated to such apathy, misery and moaning?

 

The BFG applauds the travelling support

We all know the press likes to talk about clubs in crisis, especially Arsenal. And so do the fans - Arsene out, we want our Arsenal back, spend some fucking money are frequently heard. The BBC 5 Live report that evening had the self-appointed gobshite spokesman of a well-known supporters group spouting off about how nothing changes, that the club is still poorly run and there is £70m to spend.

Could we not have just one day of peace? Put our moans aside for one day. A lot of the players who turned out for Arsenal that night cost a fair penny, and when I first started supporting the club in 1986, we were mid-table without a league title since 1971 (or a trophy in seven years). Maybe this is the Arsenal the fans want back?

The assistant in 1994

What happened to enjoyment of a victory? The world thought Arsenal would get destroyed, humiliated. The dropping of the captain and goalkeeper was a white flag. But the players stood up. Giroud is limited, Arteta is out of position and Fabianski was nicknamed Flapiankski for a reason. They were excellent. Mertesacker and Koscielny are much maligned but remained solid. Even renowned German journalist Raphael Honigstein said (on the Guardian's Football Weekly) that Bayern deserved to be eliminated after the display.

The way things are going, there may not be European football next season. But do we need to be so quick to moan? To treat victory with conditions? The club is run in a strange manner, and perhaps there does need to be change.

But we won 2-0 at Bayern Munich. Chelsea got a draw there in May and won't bloody shut up about it... and look at the state of their club.

The Arsenal Supporters Trust

Am I a football hipster?

This is probably a bit old hat now, two weeks late etc. But I was bored and re-read the recently lauded '25 steps to becoming a football hipster', and thought I'd tally up my score. I recently read a blog by the splendid Llandudno Jet Set, his riposte seemed very fitting, and I wouldn't seek to emulate.

I've been listening to a podcast on the way home from work, and heard the word 'hipster' by one guest, and found it increasingly irritating. He also kept referring to 'Jewventus' so extra marks for being a nob.

So I've simply posted whether I meet the criteria, and see how I get on.

1. Get a zany football shirt - I have a Stranraer shirt as I have family there, and a Finland top as my wife is Finnish. Zany enough? I wouldn't dare criticise Real Oviedo again, after I got somewhat shot down in flames on the Guardian for calling the investors hypocrites...

2. Do not under any circumstances miss the Guardian’s Football Weekly with James Richardson - ok, I get a point here. Listened to it regularly for about 3 years now, although tend to miss them when I'm on holiday etc and don't tend to catch up... Half point?

3. Tell people you were into the Zonal Marking back when it was Mantoman.com - ZM's Dad, a former work colleague of mine, recommended the site back in 2010, probably the least hipster reason to follow it.

4. Buy Inverting The Pyramid. Read it cover to cover - half point again, read it and was hugely impressed by the level of research. A lot of it went straight over my head, and remained there...

5. Inform everyone around you that Spain are playing with a false nine - I leave that to others, I don't give a monkeys how Spain play, it works for them.

Silva's control of the football is masterful

6. Set up a Twitter account with a clever obscure football handle - ok, you got me. My Finnish blog name was inspired by Escape To Victory, hence bastardising the flag and the famous kit from the movie.

The Escape To Victory-esque Escape To Suomi

7. Consistently pour scorn on the Premier League - nope, have a season ticket for a big Premier League club, and while I bitch and moan a lot, wouldn't have it any other way.

8. Your favourite Barcelona player is no longer Messi. It’s Busquets - I think they're all bastards.

9. Hype up South American derbies like they are the biggest games in the world - nope, each to their own, but not really that interested.

10. Despise all football pundits except for Gary Neville and Pat Nevin - I prefer Lee Dixon.

11. Say Revista de La Liga has lost something since they sacked Mark Bolton - it was better when Michael Laudrup was a guest.

12. Actively root for AVB and always, always refer to him as AVB - no, he'll always be either DVD or Rick Astley.

13. At all times defend Zlatan Ibrahimovic - he's entertaining, and I like the Arsenal story, but he can be a monumental cock.

But could he have played with Eboue?

14. Adore everything about Borussia Dortmund - enjoyed my trip there in Sept 11, and this blog was sort of born there, but I know someone who loves it more. Good stadium food though.

15. Set up a blog - guilty x2. Definitely don't ask for RTs though. All I get anyway are gratefully received.

16. Engage in a twitter argument with Ken Early over the six-second rule - who?

17. Live tweet The Sunday Supplement - normally in bed or at work when it's on. Far too far past it's sell-by date.

18. Assert that this Barcelona team is decent but nowhere near as good as Sacchi’s Milan - Didn't people say that before the European Cup final in 1994? Oh, that's a bit hipster...

19. Only discuss Newcastle United en francais - the same way people used to talk about Arsenal? Are we still calling them Nouveau Chateau?

20. Play FIFA 13 using the Brendan Rodgers possession game - Nothing wrong with hoof it and hope, I'm crap at it anyway.

21. Pay a fortune for a Norwegian satellite feed to follow the progress of Molde - I get to watch a few Finnish league games, not paid a penny yet... The option is there though. Point?

22. Set up an African Cup of Nations twitter list for the duration of the tournament - nope, barely watched any of it.

23. Wake up every morning and remember the great Yugoslav team that never was - some times it's all I think of. Didn't see much of it, maybe the 1998 Croatia team...

The 90s hipster icon? Or was it Prosinecki...?

24. Only ever pronounce team names in the language of the country they’re from - Mooopah, Koooops and Laaaaaahhhhhteeeeeee? Point.

25. State with confidence that Off The Balls’s football show was better with ‘Parker & Lovejoyyyyyyyy” on Friday nights - if it's anything to do with Tim Lovejoy, it's probably better.

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I don't know, maybe I'm about halfway there. I doubt I'll be heading to Germany to see any games that Arsenal aren't involved in, or following Gary Neville on Twitter. But I do wonder what the 90s me would have thought.

When is a volley not a volley?

As part of my daily commute, I've found several new podcasts in recent months, so the packed cattle express of the 0712 to Waterloo can pass by that little bit quicker. With teutonic regularity, I wake every morning to find a BBC 5 Live daily podcast, essentially a summary of the previous evening's football.

Along came Monday, and a review of the Sunday fixtures. Alas the podcast was only seven minutes long (barely made it to the station), but I heard a peach from pundit Danny Mills after the Manchester City vs Liverpool match. He referred to a splendid volley by Steven Gerrard for Liverpool's second goal.

Gerrard's 'volley' (let it load first)

Now, despite my age (32), I like to think of myself as old school. I like retro shirts, the idea of standing at a match, and the days of flamboyant pop stars owning Hertfordshire football clubs. But am I that out of touch with the kids of today, so much that I didn't even think of Gerrard's goal as a volley?

Gerrard's 'volley' video

I learned the game on the (ahem) tough streets of North London, where Headers & Volleys was the general game of choice. Stick the fat kid in goal, and everyone would try and tee each other up to score with either a header or a volley. Simple. The game policed itself, a volley would have to be struck first time, no contact with the ground since leaving the teammate's foot, lest the chants of 'cheat' ring through the Elthorne Estate.

So why has the term volley become so loose? From recent memory, it seems any goal struck first time or hit with power can apply. Has the player chested it down? Meh, volley. Did it bounce first? Volley. NO!!!

Tony Yeboah's goal against Liverpool was a volley. Marco van Basten's goal against the Soviet Union was a volley. Paul Scholes at Bradford was a volley. Any excuse to see them again really...

 Yeboah v Liverpool

Van Basten v USSR

Scholes v Bradford

Finally, I've been accused several times of an anti-Liverpool bias on this blog. It's not really true, and I have several close family members who support them. But even the most die-hard Mickey Mouser will admit that Gerrard's goal, while very good, was not a volley. Plus I only put Yeboah's goal against Liverpool in because it was a good example. I hate Leeds as well.

PS I tweeted yesterday that it was Graeme Le Saux who said the offending comment about volley, when it was definitely Danny Mills. Who did this against Ashley Cole. So he's not all bad...

How did my 2012 hopes pan out?

On 2nd January 2012, I wrote a blog detailing five things I hoped to see in football throughout the year. It seems time to review what I said, and whether there was any progress...

1. Kick Blatter out of football

That went well. Blatter purged more of his rivals within FIFA and dished out lifetime bans like they were going out of fashion. The man has balls of steel, and a brass neck it seems. He's hinted that he will leave FIFA in 2015 at the end of his current term, but nothing is in black and white. He seems immune to criticism, and the booing he received at the women's Olympic football final seemed to go unheeded, although it didn't seem as loud as what George Osborne got... Looks like he'll be around for a while yet, no doubt to be replaced by Platini...

Blatter put his fingers in his ears and shouted 'la la la, can't here you'

2. Team GB win Olympic gold

Meh. It was a novelty, but it would have been nice if those involved had taken it seriously... Stuart Pearce as coach? Ryan Giggs as captain? Doh. Some green shoots did emerge - Jack Butland played well in goal, Neil Taylor built well on the previous season, and Craig Bellamy looked genuinely happy. But the exit on penalties to South Korea had a familiar feel, and the predictable droning about David Beckham's omission left a huge shadow. Luckily the other Olympians didn't do too badly, and it was a nice surprise to see Mexico win in what was expected to be Brazil's coronation.

Familiar penalty woes

3. Minnows win Euro 2012

Again, a swing and a miss. Spain won it at a canter, with the most one-sided international final in memory. No minnows got close, the hosts barely flickered, and England exited on penalties in the quarter-final. It was actually a pretty good tournament, with some great goals and some pretty exciting games. The last four were Spain, Italy, Germany and Portugal - hardly small. The fact that Italy were the surprise package says a lot about the minnows. The main shock was that Holland without a point, just two years after losing in the World Cup final. Will the extra minnows flourish in a 24-team Euro 2016? Nope.

The oft-seen van Persie airshot

4. A gay footballer

For the Daily Mail readers amongst us, you'll have already seen that Joey Barton was outed by Martin Samuel. It was obvious apparently, with that McClaren-esque French accent of his... Nothing else has really happened, and this has been the sad indictment. With articles like that (I'm not linking it, they don't need any more people looking at their opinion on Kim Kardashian being pregnant) it has shown the prejudice out there. I did pray that players, fans and the press would behave...

The Marseille competition winner with his prize

5. We have the technology

We have the technology. They used the technology. The Club World Cup in Japan saw goalline systems used for the first time in high-profile matches (and a couple of Chelsea games). The Premier League and the Bundesliga have hinted that they may look to introduce it in the near future, and it looks like it's going to catch on. Alas the games didn't use the facilities, but it's a good start. The only concern will be if it's not compulsory, we may see a similar situation as with cricket, where India have so far refused to use the decision referral system in test matches.

Calculator watches weren't in stock at Yokohama Argos