The January transfer window

Let the January sales commence! While the rest of us can get our unnecessary purchases online as soon as the last cracker is pulled, European football clubs need to sit there with itching wallets until January.

If Sky Sports is to be believed, the closing of the transfer window is the footballing equivalent of New Year's Eve, as gurning locals wait for a ball to drop, surrounding sports reporters who border on celebrity. The Sky Sports News gurus resemble a judging panel on a reality show, with Bryan Swanson, Dharmesh Sheth and the hyperactive Jim White acting as poster boys.

 I wanna be on you

Of course, Sky aren't the only villain of the piece. The BBC website often runs a live blog of deadline day, collating all the news of the day, with time for contributions for 'Dave, Essex via text'. All well and good, interaction is the future apparently. But if Dave can only provide that his mate Tel gave Ray Parlour a cab ride in 2001 from Highbury to Middlesbrough, is it really worthwhile? The hard-pressed BBC typist needs to apply a filter.

Back to Sky, do they have some sort of deal with Apple? The regular updates from the X Factor Sky gurus always seem to be delivered with some sort of Sky app for the iPad, which no self-respecting transfer gremlin is seen without. And don't get me started on that interactive screen.

Look! Angry Birds!

Of course, the main beneficiaries of this over-zealous hype are the fans. You know, the people who stay up til midnight to watch Jim White arrive by helicopter. But when it comes to those with money at a premium, what do you do? You've spent your pocket money on a shirt with your hero's name on it, and come January, they do one.

Liverpool fans were jubilant at the sale of Fernando Torres, pocketing £50m for him, and spending it on Luiz Suarez (value) and Andy Carroll (Tesco value). But those with Torres shirts? Spare a thought for them. You've spent the best part of £15, don't you wish the club would re-imburse them? Or, typical Scousers, you can just improvise.

David Burrows? Pirate John Barrrrrrrrnes?

Maybe the transfer window should stay open all the time, stop the panic buying and judge a manager by his wheeler-dealing as opposed to pointless things like coaching, tactics or motivation. Or maybe we can just all laugh at Torres...