Work football teams - from Met Police to Police Machine

Metropolitan Police. Vauxhall Motors. Harrogate Railway Athletic. PSV Eindhoven. Manchester United. Arsenal. All football clubs of various standing, from the Barclays Premier League to the Northern Premier League, taking in a handful of European Cups as well. All work teams at various stages in their lives.

Manchester United were originally Newton Heath LYR Football Club, made up of employees of the Lancashire and Yorkshire Railway, wearing green and gold – brought to a new generation of fans by way of a 1990s away shirt and the Glazer Out brigade. Similarly Arsenal were founded by workers at a munitions factory in Woolwich (a fact still brought up regularly by Spurs supporters).

Crook gets nicked by Wrighty

The Metropolitan Police meanwhile are at a different stage in their evolution. The club are still run by current or retired Police officers and staff, several members of the coaching staff are Bobbies, but at present, none of the players have walked the beat. The club still get noticed as a result of their heritage, with last season’s league table (after 27 matches) showing W9 D9 L9 unfortunately a marketing opportunity missed. If you can’t buy a club replica shirt from there, you won’t be getting a hastily made t-shirt. The club are advertising for someone to administer a club shop on their behalf.

In the days of austerity, large organisations giving company time off for employees to play top level support is a rarity indeed. Despite heavily plastering home internationals with their branding, Vauxhall will no doubt be ensuring that their staff are stuck to a production line making the new Adam, Clive or whatever it’s called. The club had to resign their place in the Conference North last year and regroup several divisions lower due to the costs involved.

This isn’t the equivalent of the American work softball team (even with C. Montgomery Burns recruiting ringers). The higher achieving clubs have moved beyond their employment. PSV Eindhoven started life as a recreation for staff working at Philips, while their initial crest resembled a lightbulb, representing the parent company. The jerseys are still sponsored by the firm, while their ground is called the Philips Stadion. I doubt their players are still forced to work in the factory, manually rewinding cassette tapes or road-testing their DVD players.

I told you to trim those sideburns!

A recent listen to the BBC’s World Football Phone-In podcast had the peerless Tim Vickery talk about the origins of various sporting clubs throughout South America – focusing heavily on Uruguayan giants Peñarol, who were originally known by the simple moniker of Central Uruguay Railway Cricket Club (CURCC). It was part of a wider discussion about the European influence on sport throughout the continent, also including the always-entertaining name of the Chilean club O’Higgins, formed by the descendants of Irish nobility.

One recurring theme throughout the world is the number of clubs with Police or military backgrounds. The much lampooned Police Machine, winners of a Nigerian league match 67-0 in 2013, are regularly mentioned on the Football Ramble. Thai club Police United were managed by Finnish wanderer Mika Lönnström until recently, until firing him under what his agent called ‘controversial circumstances’, probably unpaid parking tickets. Vietnamese second division team Viettel FC were once known as The Cong, the football team of the Vietnam People’s Army. Didn’t see them on Forrest Gump or Full Metal Jacket.

Rage Against The Police Machine

We live in different times, where it’s unlikely that we’ll ever see a work football team rise to the professional ranks. I’m sure the Slough branch of a paper merchants would dream of playing Barcelona or Bayern Munich (or even Swindon) when taking to the pitch of their local Power League on a Monday night.

I’ll nail my colours to the mast – I’m currently on the committee of Metropolitan Police FC. The club president is Commissioner Bernard Hogan-Howe, but I doubt he’d ever pay us a visit. I have to write the matchday programmes in my own time, heaven forbid I’d get the chance to do it while at work. Most of the other people at the club have other jobs, families and commitments which mean their hours devoted to the club are vital. Like most non-league clubs, they’d fold pretty quickly without the generosity of the staff. At least the Met have a name and a heritage to lean on, if not the local community, where there is a plethora of established teams.

Although I do wonder if the players of Lisburn Distillery are employees – if so, we may have to play a friendly against them… Promise we won’t breathalyse their players as they arrive for the match!