Saturday 23 June 2012

No jacket required - a footballer's attire

There is a tale that moves around Arsenal fans. It may well be an urban myth. The story is that Chris Kiwomya, one of the last signings of the George Graham era, was not selected to play in the first match for which he was eligible, purely for the reason that he had not yet been fitted for his club blazer, and thus shouldn't represent the club.

Whether or not this is true, it says a lot about the expectations of Arsenal (and probably other) fans, that they allow themselves to think that it's true. It's like the entrance to Hogwarts, you've got to believe that it's there...

His blazer was made by Nike

These days, football is a much tighter sport, with the tiniest of percentages making the biggest difference. Bootmakers do their best to save a gram or two. Thousands of pounds are spent on GPS trackers which process data that show a player's most effective position. The comfort of the players.

We see them alighting the bus before a game, decked out in polyester threads, carrying expensive washbags and wearing headphones so large that they would make a Shoreditch fuckpig blush. But is there any pride in the appearance? When even Royal Ascot and Wimbledon are having to clamp down on dress codes, there is little a chance a Premier League manager will do the same.

Must not get sent off, must not get sent off...

Would there be a serious loss of form if players were forced to wear suits with embroidered crests when travelling on club duty? Some clubs still do it, on occasion. Manchester United players occasionally turn up in their posh threads, although it's safe to say that once Ferguson leaves, Rooney and co will be decked out in Primark's finest.

An example needs to be set. Roy Hodgson seems keen on returning to old school methods (his love for 40s throwback James Milner for example), while you can imagine David Moyes whipping his players in the nuts with a car antenna for the slightest indiscretion. If England were to win Euro 2012 having turned up the the final in Kiev wearing suits, it may be the secret answer after all!

The buttons weighed Vidic down so much, he was tired before the game

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