How did my 2012 hopes pan out?

On 2nd January 2012, I wrote a blog detailing five things I hoped to see in football throughout the year. It seems time to review what I said, and whether there was any progress...

1. Kick Blatter out of football

That went well. Blatter purged more of his rivals within FIFA and dished out lifetime bans like they were going out of fashion. The man has balls of steel, and a brass neck it seems. He's hinted that he will leave FIFA in 2015 at the end of his current term, but nothing is in black and white. He seems immune to criticism, and the booing he received at the women's Olympic football final seemed to go unheeded, although it didn't seem as loud as what George Osborne got... Looks like he'll be around for a while yet, no doubt to be replaced by Platini...

Blatter put his fingers in his ears and shouted 'la la la, can't here you'

2. Team GB win Olympic gold

Meh. It was a novelty, but it would have been nice if those involved had taken it seriously... Stuart Pearce as coach? Ryan Giggs as captain? Doh. Some green shoots did emerge - Jack Butland played well in goal, Neil Taylor built well on the previous season, and Craig Bellamy looked genuinely happy. But the exit on penalties to South Korea had a familiar feel, and the predictable droning about David Beckham's omission left a huge shadow. Luckily the other Olympians didn't do too badly, and it was a nice surprise to see Mexico win in what was expected to be Brazil's coronation.

Familiar penalty woes

3. Minnows win Euro 2012

Again, a swing and a miss. Spain won it at a canter, with the most one-sided international final in memory. No minnows got close, the hosts barely flickered, and England exited on penalties in the quarter-final. It was actually a pretty good tournament, with some great goals and some pretty exciting games. The last four were Spain, Italy, Germany and Portugal - hardly small. The fact that Italy were the surprise package says a lot about the minnows. The main shock was that Holland without a point, just two years after losing in the World Cup final. Will the extra minnows flourish in a 24-team Euro 2016? Nope.

The oft-seen van Persie airshot

4. A gay footballer

For the Daily Mail readers amongst us, you'll have already seen that Joey Barton was outed by Martin Samuel. It was obvious apparently, with that McClaren-esque French accent of his... Nothing else has really happened, and this has been the sad indictment. With articles like that (I'm not linking it, they don't need any more people looking at their opinion on Kim Kardashian being pregnant) it has shown the prejudice out there. I did pray that players, fans and the press would behave...

The Marseille competition winner with his prize

5. We have the technology

We have the technology. They used the technology. The Club World Cup in Japan saw goalline systems used for the first time in high-profile matches (and a couple of Chelsea games). The Premier League and the Bundesliga have hinted that they may look to introduce it in the near future, and it looks like it's going to catch on. Alas the games didn't use the facilities, but it's a good start. The only concern will be if it's not compulsory, we may see a similar situation as with cricket, where India have so far refused to use the decision referral system in test matches.

Calculator watches weren't in stock at Yokohama Argos

The international language of football

The perils of recently returning to working office hours has made certain things difficult, such as getting a seat on the train or having BBQ food for lunch. It's made other parts of life easier, like spending time at home with the dog and being more likely to get to matches.

My free trial (the third such trial) of ESPN has recently ended, and the evil overlords of Sky insist on cancelling the channel by telephone. So I have to wait twenty minutes to be connected, listening to muzak, while being assured my call is important. But what I didn't expect was to spend longer talking to the Sky agent, not being persuaded to keep paying £10 a month for the channel, but talking about the perils of modern football and why Rangers were hung out to dry by the powers that be.

Not the Brazilian fan the TV cameras hoped for

I've no huge liking of Scottish football, my north of the border team is Stranraer (currently bottom of the second division, they were promoted out of the third division to accommodate Rangers). But to be kept talking to a man I'd never met is a feat in itself, and the reason was football. If he'd asked about the state of the economy, X-Factor or the weather, he'd have been met with short shrift. But after confirming that it wasn't costing me money, I happily rattled on for half an hour until realising my dinner was slowly cremating.

No matter where you go in the world, and I've been all over the place, you can always talk football. In America the talk was of the image of the MLS in England (improving). In Finland the questions were about whether Liverpool will ever return to their best (no). In Canada they assume you know David Beckham because you have a London accent.

 

A flaming @*?!

Footballers play all over the globe without bothering to learn the lingo. Carlos Tevez barely speaks any English despite being here since 2006. Perhaps the reason so few English players go abroad is partly down to language.

In this festive season of parties and forced joy, the men can be left alone knowing that eventually the talk will be of whatever game is on the telly. I'll be meeting the husband of my wife's friend on Sunday, and I know he's a Spurs fan. Both teams are in action this weekend so results are crucial, but I can always make sure I ask him the time at 6.55, 7.55, 8.55, safe in the knowledge he'll repeat the score of the recent North London derby.

Sorry, did you say it was five to?

Next time you go travelling, leave the phrasebook behind. Don't worry about the culture. Just remember the name of that country's most famous footballer and you'll be fine.

Just don't follow the more retro customs of spitting (Holland 1990), head-butting (France 2006) or taking a free-kick you're supposed to defend (Zaire 1974)...

Boooooooo! The football fan's dissent

After another Sunday of football, a Super Sunday if you believe Sky, those who make a living and a hobby of being on Twitter talk about issues off the pitch rather than what happened (or not) on the pitch. Arsenal visited Stoke City, and the usual pre-match debated raged about the clash of styles, and remembering some of the battles of recent seasons.

The most infamous was in 2010 where Ryan Shawcross broke the leg of Aaron Ramsey in a brutal challenge, and many of the other matches between the two clubs have seen several questionable fouls. Ramsey eventually returned to the first team, and every match between the two clubs sees the predictable booing by the Stoke fans, directed at Ramsey. Now without showing the photo of the incident, it's fairly safe to say that Ramsey could never be accused of making a meal of the injury, and it could be argued that he hasn't quite reached the same levels since.

 Finally, the caveman is captured on film

Similarly, Sunday's match between the two sides has ended up in the same fashion. Ramsey came on as a second half substitute, while the Stoke fans have reverted to type.

But it's part of a more recently talked about subject, that of the conduct of fans on the terraces. Would Tony Pulis not prefer his team's fans to cheer for his team, to encourage, rather than focus their attention against a player whose career almost ended because of a challenge from his captain? He may well not be that sort of player, but it's becoming an annual tradition.

Another fan habit in the firing line is booing your own team. Of course it's not a new thing, but the Twitterati and bloggers generally disagree with the well-worn concept of 'you pay your money, you can do what you want'. But as above, would it not be more productive to support the team through bad spells? There are plenty of ways to vent anger, be it not buying club merchandise or protests outside the ground. Or wearing Kean Out earrings like a previous blog...

Blackburn fans weren't happy with Venky's

But there are other reasons to boo - the former player returning is a favourite, as it the star player of an opponent, or it may even be an attempt to placate someone (Springfield residents saying Booo-urns to Monty Burns). But be careful, you may end up booing your future darling...

Chelsea fans try to seduce Fernando Torres

PS This blog wasn't intended as a huge dig at Stoke... Maybe I should have concentrated on the blog rather than digging at someone else?

The best goalkeeper shirts of all time

Back in June, our friends at The Football Shirt Collective posted my list of five of the worst goalkeeper shirts ever, and it ended up showcasing a 1990s revival of horror. Well it would only be fair to show my five favourites, and a little blurb to accompany... As usual, I welcome suggestions below the line!

Arsenal 1989

First photo courtesy of Peter Rapley

The template in Adidas's UK heyday in the late 1980s, this shirt was simple and classic, green with white stripes and collar. Recently recreated in 2009 for Liverpool and Real Madrid, but this was the classic. As John Lukic shows, there was a strange discrepancy where the Adidas logo and club badge were at different angles. I owned a replica in 1989, and since then have never known why! Would welcome an answer...

Italy 1982/2012

 Zoff in 1982                                         Buffon in 2012

The oldest and newest shirts on the list, these interpretation on the same designs score well. Simples design, well contrasting colours, and the 1982 vintage will be memorable for Dino Zoff lifting the World Cup. Recreated for the summer's European Championships, and almost with a similar outcome. Fortunately for some, Sports Direct are selling the 2012 version for a knockdown price as they seem to think it's a training top!

England 1986

 Being beaten by the Hand Of Cheating Bastard in Mexico

Another silver and blue effort, another World Cup. Unfortunately this one was immortalised for the wrong reasons, as England's record cap holder was beaten by a handball and then one of the greatest goals ever in 1986. The shirt was simple, but another example of a different replica, as Umbro went through a phase of using a different logo for goalkeeper shirts, with a No.1 next to the logo. Strange. But nice use of padding on the shoulders, clearly inspired by Dynasty.

Man City 2009

 Shirt comes complete with "Done By Pirlo Panenka" label

Props to Umbro here - the brand were re-inventing themselves with the Tailored By range, simple designs and going back to classics. Here we have Manchester City's effort, sported by Shay Given and Joe Hart. Green with white trim, top marks. Just a shame about the sponsor, but that is a moan for another day...

Real Madrid 2010

 Real were trying to become more popular in Liverpool

A slightly strange choice, the thought of goalkeepers in red is still something of a novelty. In 2010, Real Madrid used red for their second choice keeper shirt, yet it must have been popular, as the following season saw almost exactly the same kit become the away colours for the outfield kit. Looking like mid 80s Liverpool is one thing, but the sense of entitlement remains.

The Good (Football) Pub Guide

Much has been made, especially by this site, about the superstitions and rituals around going to football matches. Lucky pants, getting certain trains, buying the same sweets before each game. But for the more grown up amongst us (I don't think too many young ragamuffins are logging on to read this), it's all about the pub.

Much like the episode of Men Behaving Badly where Gary and Tony had to review various hostelries before plumping for the renovated version of their favourite anyway, the football pub is like a cathedral, where football fans go to drink with other football fans, to chat about the game as they see it over a pint of watered-down gnat's piss in a plastic glass.

The pioneers of the Good Pub Guide

There are several key categories you need to consider when choosing the pub, some of which we shall review below. I shamelessly admit to using the pub I normally drink in before games as a template, and it may be some sort of omerta to mention some parts of the pre-match ritual, it's all about being objective. I also appreciate that I'm using Saturday at 3pm as the standard kick-off, which doesn't happen all that often.

Selection of drinks

Most football fans are pretty gullible. There, I've said it. We'll drink what's on offer, usually because it's the only thing there. That's why the bars inside grounds make a killing, because they sign exclusive contracts with suppliers, to sell only one beer (usually Carlsberg). However, most self-respecting people would rather set fire to themselves than drink that swill, so that could be the deciding reason they drink elsewhere. Forgetting that licensing rules almost always stipulate supplying your beer in a plastic glass, what else is there? You can still get your beer in glass bottles, and it's safe to say more people get bottled than glassed. Is the beer watered-down? Do you get to choose between the lagers of the globe, or merely Fosters and a questionable wife-beating alternative? Some pubs will score highly on this round by virtue of selling perhaps an exotic Spanish lager on draft, served by dusty lovelies who may or may not be relatives of the owner. But it's more than that…

 They have a wide selection

Entertainment

Once you've had your fry-up in the local greasy spoon, you need a cold pint of something to wash it down with. You arrive early, the pub doors are open, and Soccer AM or Sky Sports News is on the big screen. Sorted. But then… The novelty band who were funny a few years ago take to the stage, clouds of dry ice rise, and the braying morons who still buy their CDs and follow them on Twitter scream with delirium. The TV goes off. The songs begin about the former left back who uses Nokia phones, and singing about having a can of Red Stripe for me breakfast. Big minus points. The pub has invested in big screens, why not use them? In the days of smartphones, people want information, and the stream of numbers at the bottom of Soccer Saturday will keep them there, and keep them spending. Don't get delusions of grandeur. Don't rest on your laurels. Keep Pointless for the weekday evenings at home, stick it on 405 with the sound up.

 The bar is in 3D!

Clientele

Are you fluent in Finnish? Do you wear strange hats, fake replica shirts and tight jeans? Then you may fit in with the day tripper, the ones who spend hundreds in the club shop, then jinx your team by unveiling their new away shirt with 'Champions' on the back, while your team are top on goal difference and in bad form. They take photographs of the photographs on the wall. They play Europop on the jukebox. They'll strike up a conversation with your mate about how much they too love Dortmund, and you'll be stuck with them for the rest of the day. You need to just ignore it, and try and fight your way past them to get to the bar while they order a pina colada with a slim panatella. Put yourself in their odd shoes. If your team gets drawn away in Europe to a Nordic team, you'll be the ones at the bar in clothing that isn't suitable for the weather, moaning about spending £9 on a half pint of the local ale. They're the fans your club wants. You need to accept them, or find a new pub.

 Not normally included, these women

Toilets

Not many blokes worry about the facilities in the toilet. If there's a hole in the floor, it'll do. It's a bonus to not have to aim around the rapscallions snorting Columbia's finest off the cisterns. You know you're somewhere posh if the swamp has an attendant (don't do a Cheryl Cole and hit them, it's bad for your career, honest), screaming "no spray, no lay" while aiming half a can of Lynx Africa at the back of your head. The sophisticated venue will have the commentary of the lunchtime kick-off piped into the gents, allowing you to take your time and actually wash your hands. The average venue will have a towel in a puddle on the floor, assorted grafitti on the walls relating to previous visiting clubs, and a young child holding dearly onto their dad's hands, wondering if this really is the glamour end of the game. You're not in Kansas now Toto.

 Stare silently ahead

Charitable donations

Once you're in the football pub, you're part of a captive audience. You've suffered a 45 minute wait at the bar, sweating like Gary Glitter in PC World with the lack of air conditioning, and you are surely next in line for that stool when the pregnant woman moves… So in comes the slightly simple looking chap holding the replica trophy of a competition you've never won, offering photographs with it in return for a donation to a charity you've never heard of. Funny how that bloke always has a new Rolex and new shoes… There is also the tin-rattler, collecting for "the children, won't somebody please think of the children". Never mind that the ID around her neck refers to the local video library, she is clearly keen to save many lives, while fleecing the merry men of the local boozer. When challenged about her quest, she'll run off at pace that would impress Usain Bolt, or just pat you on the head and give you a sticker. Either way, you need to tolerate being a sucker to keep drinking in your boozer of choice.

 Save the clock tower!

So there you go. You're armed with the main categories you'll need to consider before you choose your pub for the new football season. Just remember - there's always somewhere better. You just haven't the bottle to find it. Yet...