Roman Abramovich and the Last Crusade

Pursued by the evil Germans, his band of merry men went into hostile territory in pursuit of the ultimate prize, surviving a leap of faith and all this despite the best efforts of the person charged with leading his team. Roman has got what he came for, but will he be rescuing his fedora in time to escape back to Moscow with his grail?

 The trophy was smaller in real life

Chelsea are the champions of Europe, despite finishing sixth in the league and yet another mid-season managerial change. There has been speculation since the club were founded in 2003 that their oligarch owner was only there for the European Cup, and that he'd be heading east before long. Plans for a new stadium are afoot, several players need replacing and a new manager needs to be appointed.

So what's next for Chelsea?
 
Robert Palmer Chelsea and the Power Station
 
The club have put in a bid for Battersea Power station, with a convoluted scheme to keep the towers involved. It may be posturing to the local council that they're prepared to leave, with Hammersmith and Fulham admitting the club make them several million a year in extra revenue. The European triumph should help them in their case, as it's likely there'd be several empty seats at Stamford Bridge for a Europa League tie. There is the possibility that new owners could lead to extra investment, but Liverpool fans will testify that new stadia don't grown on trees.

 Needed to power the stairlifts in the players lounge

Captain on trial
 
The banner at Chelsea reads JT: Captain, Leader, Legend. Perhaps. But what will it say, if it indeed remains, should Terry be convicted at his trial? If found guilty and no appeal, there will be enormous pressure on the club to sack their captain - it cannot be taken seriously with any anti-racism campaign otherwise. It could rumble on for months, but the club may need to be swift and decisive. Of course Terry could end up presenting on TalkSport, touring with Jim Davidson or appearing on Seinfeld. But then he could be found not guilty, and he can be free to hog every celebration from Royal Weddings to the destruction of the Death Star.

 Blue 26 standing by

Changing of the guard

Drogba is leaving. Terry could be leaving. Lampard keeps hanging around. Ferreira, Malouda, and Cole are all the wrong side of thirty. Villas-Boas tried to change things, perhaps too quickly. But some fresh blood is required, and good new blood costs money and wants to play. Would the next young thing from Germany or Spain come to Chelsea and potentially sit on the bench like Torres? Mata is a step in the right direction, but a whole spine may need replacing. As George Harrison sang, it's gonna take patience and time to do it right. The European Cup may tempt Eden Hazard, but they need more than a flirt, they need a sure thing.

 Terry wolf-whistled the hot girls

Step off the merry-go-round

AVB (known as DVD by the senior pros) has gone. Di Matteo is unlikely to get the job, despite adding a European Cup and FA Cup to his glittering CV from MK Dons and West Brom. A dream return for Mourinho looks dead after signing a new deal at Madrid. Who next? Not many managers would want to work at a club where long-term thinking is a curse word next to Ken Bates. There have been jokes that John Terry is picking the team anyway, but would they go so far as to appoint him, trial pending. It's been a while since a big club has had a player-manager, so perhaps it's an option. Or could Roman pick the team? At least Torres may get a start then.

 "Do I get a medal? I made you look good"

Either way, the season can now be seen as a success as they go straight to the group stages and will make a bucket load of cash. A gold star will sit above the crest next week, and competing in the World Club Cup will add further riches. Proof that throwing enough money at something will work eventually, just in time to get compliant with financial fair play.

If Roman stays or goes, there's not much more to achieve. Short of turning Stamford Bridge into the Temple of Doom, it looks like our hero may have reached the end of his story. Until the bad sequel in twenty years with Ray Winstone and aliens...