I threw the ideas open to Twitter, and got quite a few replies... Most young kids dream of growing up to be a professional footballer, and afterwards a coach or manager. But what about the other roles? Here we look at three positions that would appeal to the average blog user - with attention to detail, a close up view of the game we love, and a chance to abuse footballers/journalists/fans to their faces.
Scout
Carr had an eye for a bargain
Want to travel the world? Watch matches for free? Influence the spending of millions? Being a scout is for you! Of course that is the top end of the spectrum. The reality is standing in the pouring rain, at a provincial ground in the middle of nowhere, pretending to ignore the rantings of the bloke who once installed Didier Drogba's bathroom. If you're lucky, the player you've gone to see may play ok, but will he convince you to stay for the whole game? Just do what the 'experts' of Twitter do - stick the name through Youtube, see what his ratings are on Football Manager, and pray. You could get all the praise for a team doing well (see the praise for Newcastle's Graham Carr, dad of macho comedian Alan). But will you be signing the new Ali Dia?
Kit man
Sports Direct's Cardiff branch was well stocked
It's a kit nerd's dream. You get to dress your heroes. Lay out their ergonomically designed outfits, print them with numbers, and get first dibs on the sort of stuff that may one day turn up in a museum. Just look on eBay at the match issue kits and you can see how much people will pay for those threads. It's not glamorous - you'll have to sort out sweaty jockstraps, provide spare socks and make sure that boots aren't half a size too large. Is the temptation to cut the crotch out of that arrogant winger's shorts too much? Just enjoy wearing a tracksuit to work, you'll be the only employed shell suit wearer in Liverpool.
Mascot
Bungle regretted asking to play with Geoffrey's balls
It takes a special kind of person to want to dress up in a weird costume and prance around for the benefit of children. A hot day in August, the fans arriving for your first game of the season dressed in shorts and flip-flops, craving an ice cream, and you're sweating like Ched Evans in a rubber suit while dressed up as a hammer. Of course you're an attention seeker. Look at the man who dresses up as a dinosaur at the Emirates Stadium... Gunnersaurus is his name. A minute's silence in memory of ninety-six football fans who died. The players bow heads in the centre circle. The dinosaur, complete with baseball cap, stands arm-in-arm. Do you want to be that man?
Tannoy announcer
The louder you scream, the faster the ride
From the monotonous drone at Anfield to the fella at Wembley who desperately ploughs on geeing up the crowd despite a tedious 0-0 at home to San Marino, these people have a chance to influence thousands. Admittedly it is a step up from hospital radio, and an excuse to show off a wacky sense of humour in some cases. A dream job for some I guarantee. You get to watch the games, interview the players and have some good access to behind the scenes gossip. You'll always be at the mercy of the suits though, one ill-advised comment could equal a P45. Hopefully the odious prick at Stamford Bridge will get his come-uppance, such as when QPR fans chanted "who are you?" to which he replied "you'll see". We're still waiting to find out.
So there you go. You don't have to be a tea lady, anonymous admin goon or chairman. But some people may want to... What job would you like to do?
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